Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Chiew Kang Le, and I
am writing this letter to introduce myself as one of your students in your
effective communication classes. I am a year 1 student undertaking a degree in
Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services). I have graduated
from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Hotel & Leisure Facilities
Management.
When I was young, I always conversed in mandarin with my parents. I prefer to converse in mandarin whenever possible as I feel more comfortable speaking in mandarin. With the 'practice' I have for mandarin since I was young, I think this is the reason why I am able to converse more naturally in mandarin than in english. I feel that a person can portray their
image to others base on the way they speak, and therefore I have huge admiration
for individuals that are able to speak with confidence and clarity. English has
always been my weakest subject. The two learning goals I have for this effective
communication module are to improve my writing skills and speak to people with
confidence.
One communication strength I
think I am an attentive listener. During my internship in Conrad Hotel, I have learnt that
listening is as important as speaking to the hotel guest. Listening helps
me to accurately interpret what the guest wants and be more efficient in the
task that was assigned to me by my supervisors.
The weakness I have in my
communication skills will be my inability to speak clearly. The issue that I am
facing is that I do not know how to put my ideas into sentences. To make things worse, I tend to mumble as I am not confident when speaking to people. I will usually take a
considerable amount of time to think of how to speak in a way that others can
understand me.
Under your guidance, I hope I can be able to get out of my comfort zone and converse naturally with people in English.
Yours sincerely,
Chiew Kang Le
*Edited on 29/11/19
Commented on the following blogs:
Joel
Venjamin
Boon Kiat
*Edited on 29/11/19
Commented on the following blogs:
Joel
Venjamin
Boon Kiat
Hi Kang Le,
ReplyDeletePardon me if whatever I write is wrong.
Personally, I feel that the content is clear & concise. For this sentence "I hope that through this effective communication module, I can improve my writing skills and speak to people with confidence", I think it will be better to place it at the last paragraph as it is part of goals. I think that English does not need to be capitalize.
Thank you Venjamin. I will make the necessary changes based on your feedback.
DeleteHi Kang Le, just a few pointers to take note:
ReplyDelete1) "I will prefer to converse in mandarin..." (paragraph 2 line 1) , "To make things worse, I will tend to mumble..." (paragraph 4 line 2) and "I will usually take a considerable amount of time...." (paragraph 4 line 3) Sometimes less is more, and I personally feel that you do not need to add "will" in each of the sentences, allows the sentences to flow better.
2) "One communication strength I think I have is listening skill." (paragraph 3 line 1) What is this "listening skill"? It would be more appropriate if you used more descriptive words to up-sell yourself like "good/attentive listener" instead of "listening skill".
Overall,
Content: Clear but not as concise
Organization: Would be best if you had shifted the two learning goals stated in paragraph 2 to the last paragraph, so as to add clarity to readers on what you wish to achieve and maybe further elaborate how these goals would add value to your endeavours.
Capitalization: As what Venjamin has pointed out above.
Thank you Joel for taking the time to review and read through the letter written. I will make the necessary changes based on your feedback.
DeleteHi Kang Le, your letter was clear but the structure of the letter can be better.
ReplyDelete1.I am referring to your learning goals that is at the end of your second paragraph. It would be better to shift it to the last paragraph. Right after you have shared your strength and weakness.
2." I will prefer to converse in mandarin whenever possible as I feel more comfortable when speaking in mandarin." You may want to consider this: I prefer to converse in mandarin whenever possible as I am more comfortable conversing in mandarin.
Thank you Jun Heng for the constructive feedback. I will make the necessary changes based on the points in your feedback.
DeleteDear Kang Le,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly well developed and informative letter. I feel that, in terms of communication strengths and weaknesses, you’ve provided the sort of concrete details that allow us readers to learn something meaningful about your background and who you are. t's interesting to me, for example, that you grew up speaking Mandarin. That undoubtedly impacts your comforrt level in commmunicating in English. Still, you should see it as a positive since in fact you are now fluent in two languages.
Even with such fluency, you can polish your English. As Joel notes, in the 2nd paragraph, your verb tense use is not accurate. You don't need 'will' since you are describing not a future but a current situation, in present tense. Here is another sentence with a tense error:
-- When I was young, I always converse in mandarin with my parents. > It should be: When I was young, I always conversed in Mandarin with my parents.
Do you know why?
You also explain your comm skills weaknesses and strength with good detail. I appreciate that.
Let's work together to improve your writing and to address your other goals this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you Professor for taking the time to read through the letter I have written. I will make the necessary changes based on your feedback.
Delete